Florilegium Archive · Papercuts and Scribbles

October 2020 – Kitchen Confidential

Poem inspired by Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain

I never knew shit about shit.

He never acted better than anyone,
because he never thought he was
artful lies and evasions--
the poster boy for bad behavior

I'm the cook I always hated.
Fresh out of Tintins and cranky as hell
(France was a wonderland for underaged drinkers)

They seemed afraid of nothing--
most badass bunch of cookies in town
a Hemingwayesque, hard-boozing raconteur Renaissance man
A good cook is a craftsman--not an artist.

-Cooks hate brunch
-Vegetarians are the enemy of everything
-Your body is not a temple
it's an amusement park

Eating garbage at the top of the world,
we're going to tear a new asshole into the New York restaurant scene

The Shadow and his minions urged me on
to hang out in the fading day light
of Irish bars. I was
I'm telling you for the record
unqualified for the job

My stomach is roiling hell broth of suppressed frustration
Dodging creditors and ex-girlfriends
two evil Energizer bunnies
a sort of supernova of stupidity

-Be fully committed
-Learn Spanish!
-Don't steal
-Always be on time
-Never make excuses or blame others
-Never call in sick
-Be prepared to witness every variety of human folly and injustice
-Try not to lie
-Don't be a prick to your servers

Human nature remains a mystery to me. 

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